thankful...(sorry its really long)

I just have to give thanks and be grateful for making it through this past week. I had numerous assignments and exams, a number of rejection emails from companies with whom I applied for internships with. When Friday came, and that last exam was over, I just wanted to get away and go home to a place where i can experience warmth, relaxations and solitude. I wanted to go home where I can partake in all of the treasures a girl can have to make every other feeling melt away. Getting my hair freshly washed ans styled possibly buying a new pair of shoes and being in the arms of someone that I love. But suddenly all of those feelings, everything that i wanted disappeared.

Instead of being grateful for making it through one of the hardest weeks in my college career, I just wanted to run away. My bags were packed and my car was filled before my finance exam at 8:30 began. When the clock hit 9:30 and my exam was handed in, my next goals were only to get a caramel latter from Dunkin Donuts and head home. I was determined to go straight to Brooklyn to cut my hair. I didn't care what it took, that was my ultimate mission. Numerous people needed a ride home and wanted to come back to the city with me, but I became selfish and said if you cant come with me at 9:30 the I cant help you. I was comfortable with the fact that I was going to take that 3 plus hour ride home. Surprisingly, one of my friends text messaged me saying, I will be at your house at 9:30, wait for me.

Goal one of two was attained when I arrived back at my house to meet my friend to head on our voyage to the city. I had two caramel lattes, one for me and one for her. the trip began. I was scared at first that Nikita was going to fall asleep and leave me alone, awake, all by myself. But conversation commenced, from our school goals , to plans for the weekend to my insecurities about my faith. I began to tell her of the numerous conversations I would have with my ex-boyfriend/ my best friend, with him telling me that when I believe everything will all follow through. I grew up in church, very active in the church all throughout my childhood, but when I departed for college all of that stopped. I slowly began to lose my faith and couldn't understand why should I believe. And, she began to tell me how I can't do everything by myself. That believing in something higher will help me get through, that He will give me the strength and everything else will come into place. I began to think that she is right, and it wasn't like this, surprisingly I heard this message numerous time, either indirectly or directly to me within the past two weeks. I have been receiving words of encouragement from all of those close to me, to all of those who aren't close to me. I began to think, I need to believe. That's the only way I can get through.

Then suddenly at 11:00, I look at the thermostat cage in the car and the needle was pointing at H. I look out the windshield window and I see smoke steaming from under the hood. The the car begins to jerk, and I pull over on the shoulder of the highway, and turn the car off. Steam continued to immerse from under the hood, the car would no longer start. I had no fluids for the vehicle inside of my car. I was at the halfway mark between Binghamton and Brooklyn. I was in Pennsylvania, I had no clue where I was. This was the second time I have every taken this route home. Doubt and fear began to enter into my my head, maybe I should of waited longer to leave, maybe I should of taken Rt 17 home and made a pit stop home in the Bronx before going to Brooklyn to do my hair, or maybe I should off just taken the bus! Nikita calling her boyfriend to ask what we should do, I'm calling my parents, police and the tow truck. One hour went by and no cars ever stopped to see if two girls with a steaming car were OK. A tow truck soon came and he towed us less than two miles to a repair shop for $75.

When I get to the repair ship, I feel as if a cloud with bad news just keeps on raining over my head. The manager told me, there is four cars ahead of you and I wouldn't be able to get to it until tomorrow. Luckily, and hour later they were able to tell me what was wrong but I couldn't get it fixed until the next day, and I would have to come back to get it. I didn't know what I was going to do or how I was going to get home. A good citizen over heard our conversation, and told us where the bus station is and we were able to get a ride there to catch the next bus to NYC. We arrived there with information that the next bus is leaving at 2:20, but the next bus didn't leave until 4:10. Frustration began to build, salty water began to flood my eyes when it was 2:30 and I was not yet there at my planned destination. I sat at the bus station crying, continuing to cry when I see my friend outside pacing back and forth, and cry when I think of how much money this is going to cost me on top of my other bills and expenses, and at a time where my mother is saving trying to save over $30,000 to put a down payment on an apartment, after being evicted out of a house she called home for the past 21 years. I continued to cry and cry, I couldn't understand how could someone have faith and believe after hearing bad news, after bad news.

I finally arrived home around 8:30. Frustrated that it took me over 10 hours to finally get home. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I was mad! I was furious at the fact that all of the people that knew I was on my way home didn't even bother to call me or text me to make sure I am alright, and it truly bothers me when I always make an effort to call and text to make sure that they got home. But, no one bothered to see if I mad it home safely. At this time, I was tired, bothered and felt as if I was all alone and no one even cared!

I woke up in the morning, arising to a phone call from the manager of the repair shop telling me that there is more damage to my car than what has originally been assessed. I couldn't think about it anymore, nothing sound as if things were going to get better. All I heard was that I was not going to get my car back for at least 7 days, plus this was going to cost over $1000 to repair. I couldn't imagine paying $2000 for the car originally to pay over $1000 to repair, which also seems as if more work would need to be done after this initial assessment. I went back to my room, more tears, pillow soaking wet, then I realized I needed to stay calm. I need to relax. Shortly after, I began to feel better. I was able to go do my hair in Brooklyn. I was able to go visit a friend who I promised I would see. And, I told myself, I am going to church on Sunday, I told myself this prior to leaving Binghamton, but I had to retell myself that I am going to go to church.

I went to church today, and I felt relieved. I continued to cry, but tears of thankfulness were released from me. This whole time, I was busy looking at everything from the negative end, and I didn't stop to think of all the things I should of been grateful for!

• I am grateful for Nikita, because without her, I would of went through that whole day alone, with no one to keep me company.
  
• I am grateful that I was able to pull the car over to the side of the road instead of stalling in the middle of traffic.
  
• I am grateful that the myself and Nikita were alright, that we were not hurt physically, only the car.
  
• I am grateful that the repair shop was only two miles away from where we were.
  
• I am grateful for my parents and another friend who were there for me, and tried there best to keep me calm.
• I am grateful, that I was able to get home safely!

I didn't stop to think, and say thank you, that I made it home, I was just mad that I made it home when I did. I am truly grateful to have friends and love ones who continually guide and support me.

I look at everything around me, and I just want to say that I am grateful for having someone like you in my life.

Thank you!

PS. I think I really want to write a book one day, I definitely want to write a book one day about my life!